I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize