After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
