I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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