You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
