i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
