I didn't shave. On purpose
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
