Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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