I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
