My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
