she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
