So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
