I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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