I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
