aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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