you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
