Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
