Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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