And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
