Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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