No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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