Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
