Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
