I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
