she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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