Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
