I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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