At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
