I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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