i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
