One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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