So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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