all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I looked at my own cervix.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
