I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
