I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have tasted many bathrooms
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
