I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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