You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
BRING THE BAGELS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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