i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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