I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
