She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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