Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
