I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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