don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
