I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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