I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
