is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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