He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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