His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
