Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Jerry, you need to find god
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
