pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
