Nicole vs. Life
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
