her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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