I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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