I can tuck mytits in my pants
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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