A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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