fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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