I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
