at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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