I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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