Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
