my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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