his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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