The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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