Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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