I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
